Saturday, July 12, 2008

iPhone: A Million Bad Apples

I never dreamed this day would come. Apple wasn't perfect. I have long held the belief that PC users are banging around in Hell, wailing and gnashing their teeth, and pulling their hair. These poor unfortunate souls wade through viral cesspools...barefooted and blind...unaware that behind the slime covered, windows...of Hell are doorways to Heaven. And those doors have crisp apples etched in frosted glass, and they push open easily, and once you pass the threshold the world is bright and glowing, and the air is fresh and cool, and the people are smiling and they have all their hair.

When the new iPhone 3G was announced I piddled my pants a tiny bit. Still, I knew I wouldn't be an early adopter. My iPhone works just fine. All I'm going to do is download the 2.0 software and wait until the lines get a little shorter. I think I can go six months without caving.

But even before they knew of my plan to restrain myself the Apple "jealots" (I am the Apple zealot of which they are jealous) would warn me to wait "until they get the bugs worked out." Bugs, ha. Apple doesn't "do" bugs. Or worms. Or any of the afflictions PC's do do. (hee hee)

I downloaded the new software last night, along with a couple dozen of the new Apps...the free ones. See me showing restraint? Apparently, I was not alone. Overconfidence? Zeal? Whatever drove our bus over the cliff I don't know, but I can see on my iPhone screen that was one BIG BUG. Or more likely a million little tiny ones.

Whatever happened, things are wayhayhayhay messed up today. My address book is displaying contact information from four years ago. None of my bitchen new apps work. I can't text anyone, even if I type in everything by hand. What a mess. What a mess. Good god, what a mess. At least AT&T is holding up their end. I can make calls. Whoo hoo! A phone that can make calls. What is this, 2006?

To do my part I deleted the apps, my photos and music. I just said no to push contacts, mail and calendar, and I put my phone on manual sync. I may have gone too far, but at least I'm not putting any demands on the system while "they" are working on "it".

That's all they need...a bunch of Apple geeks like me singing "Are We There Yet" (to the tune of Frere Jacques) and blowing spit wads at the backs of their heads while they are busy trying to restore the devices on which we depend...and from which we can order our Depends.

My greatest fear is not wrath from temporary refugees like me. My fear is some ass hole will launch a multi-million dollar hissy fit over this. I would ask that none of us be lured into that trap. A class action suit might put a twenty dollar bill in your pocket, but it will cost us all much more than that.

Patience is the easiest thing to have in all the world. You just sit and do nothing and it lands in your lap.

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