Friday, May 7, 2010

I Miss You

Dear My Blog,

It has been a long time since I've written, and for that, apologies. I have no good excuse. It's as if each passing day has increased the need for a rich, dark, excuse d'elegance, while at the same time the only excuses I can conjure have grown thinner and paler than Sissy Spacek's eyebrows. In retrospect, none of my excuses seem worthy of the neglect you have suffered at my (lack of) hand--Didn't want to. Forgot. Too busy. Maybe after lunch. Not feeling writerly. Computer is in the other room. Baseboards need Q-tipping. Can't get "Nashville Cats" out of my head--all the usual culprits that hinder a writer's duty. To write.

But now I'm back and I have some good news to share with you. We have received a rave review in the form of a fan comment! Some anonymous person, who shall remain nameless, sent us this comment: "You are hilarious and I love the blog, and will now be followed faithfully by me! I am a complete secret blog reader and love love love yours!!"

Well anyone can plainly see by the syntax and vocabulary that none other than Mr. Stephen Colbert has graced us with his fan fan fan-hood.

You're welcome, sir.

This is no surprise, as he follows me on Twitter...and by that I mean I follow it is as if we were best friends, lovers actually, as what could be more intimate than tweeting on Twitter? He wrote me this haiku.

Short and sweet we tweet
Clandestined. Exposed.
In plain sight we never meet.

Let's just hope our other follower, Sarah Silverman, doesn't become jealous of our twysts. We could find her sneaking into our special drawer and replacing our batteries with Tootsie Rolls and replacing the tape in our boudoir camcorder with a deck of Old Maid playing cards. She's such a vengeful woman, that one, ever since the Matt Damon incident. Still we love her, don't we? I mean, how could we not? She's so not mental, or sex crazed, or self absorbed, or hilarious, which is to say she is all of those things.

"Not," it would seem, is the new "n'yuh huh."

Again my sincere apologies to you, my dear blog. I never wanted to starve you like this, and I never will again. Unless of course, I don't want to , forget, am too busy, need lunch, trying to dig Tootsie Roll bits out of Magilla The Thrilla, downloading "Bali Hai" from iTunes as an antidote to Nashville Cats, buying more Q-tips...and such as that.

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